I tried to post this last night, but something wouldn't work.. so this is actually from October 26th...
Do you ever just stop and notice the beauty around you? I simply can't help but marvel at God's great creation here... I love autumn out here. In the city it's so easy to gloss over God's hand in all this, because you're surrounded by man made stuff... but here you can't ignore it at all. Ever seen Dead Poets Society? (yes, i'm using it again... I like it, ok?) This school looks like theirs... big brick buildings with ivy crawling all over it, tall tall trees releasing their flaming leaves... it's Gorgeous, with a capital G.
I was reading something from my journal that I wrote in August, and it just stuck out to me, so I figured I'd throw it in here. As relevant as it was for my life then, it's even more so now, I think.
"But God, I give my heart to You, because You'll NEVER drop it. I leave You to entrust it to whom You will. But let him have gentle hands, whoever he is. My heart cracks and breaks easily, I fear." -Sigh-
I am seeing more and more how girls base their self image on how they think guys perceive them. This especially difficult for girls like me who have never been pursued by a guy before. It's a terrible terrible cycle, I know, but one that's increasingly difficult to interrupt. It's beyond difficult to feel beautiful, to feel loved, cherished, protected, feminine... when there's no one there to make you feel that way. And that is so much of what women want in a man. To be loved and cherished, to have someone just dying to take care of you and your needs, to have someone you can joyfully submit to, someone who is a great and loving father. Sound familiar? This is what God is to us, this and so much more. Marriage is such a good illustration of how our relationship with Christ ought to be. This ache and hunger we have for relationship here on earth is really just a toned down version of what our hunger and ache to know God intimately should be. And so we fight on, the Bride of Christ.
I don't have much more to say... so I figured I'd put up a few poems that I have written in the last couple of weeks.

Fade Away

Leaves float delicately in
Wind tossing
Patterns without design
Reminiscent of things
Passing, things dying.
Fade away.

Do they come
Yet again hope?
Or are they silver spectres
Transparent and elusive
Reaching chilling
Fingering our tumbled
Hearts?
Fade away.

Sweet fragrance of
Time turned counterclock
Wise sayings from
Sage knowledge-bearers
Echo tenuously inthe
Shadows of the cobwebbed
Mind-their-experience.
Fade away.

(untitled)

Lost in silent speculative awe
Your smile an effect of mine
How I love to see you smile,
And if mine brings out yours
Why, I'll never pull the corners of
My mouth down.

Can I move you?
As you move me?
Or do these distant traces of joy
Capture my heart alone?

Alone adrift on a crippled raft
In this undulating seat of turmoil
And yet, strangely, peace.
I smile, and then you smile
And this raft is shoved back
Into the whirlpool of these crazy
Feelings.